Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
