I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
