Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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