We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
