I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
