census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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