I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize