i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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