what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
