No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
