He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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