Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
