I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
