R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
