My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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