I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
organizing the empties. That sober.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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