I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
