Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My feet surprised me
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
