So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
