i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
