Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
