What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
