listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
