I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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