I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
