he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
