I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i already hear my dad disowning me
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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