Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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