Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
