You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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