I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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