mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
