If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
