I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
