just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
