he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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