So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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