Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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