Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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