Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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