You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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