before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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