I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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