from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
