Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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