We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
