The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I have fence marks all over my body
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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