Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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