i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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