And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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