remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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