my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
