imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
