I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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