meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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