Im at strip club and am horny
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
