So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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