I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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