He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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