Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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