some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
