I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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