I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
that may or may not have been my penis.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
