Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
