No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
