you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
