Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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